When I started thinking of Valentine’s Day and how I could show my husband my appreciation for him (for free of course), I came up with – what I thought was – a pretty good list!! Writing notes, being his cheerleader, keeping our home clean… (I’m hearing Olaf saying, “All good things, all good things!”) However, when I asked my husband about this, his list was totally different from what I thought it would be (glad I asked!).
These may not be just right for every man, but here’s what my husband said:
- Make it clear you’re on his side. Whether he knows it’s happening or not, whether you realize it or not, be on his side. He should always know that you have his best interest at heart. My husband gives the example of a lady who had her husband’s car and needed to park it in the church parking lot. With kids and stuff to take inside and being pressed for time, she was tempted to park in a handicapped spot. However, because she was in her husband’s car and knew her husband would not appreciate that, she decided against that and found another spot, though it was less convenient.
- Figure out what he likes or appreciates, and do it better than he would. Not in a competitive way. In a “I did my research; you didn’t even know I was thinking about it” kind of way. Exceed his expectations. If he appreciates food (most guys do, right?), make it better than normal, add nice linens, candles, etc. (My husband would appreciate the details more than the meal!) If he appreciates a particular sports team, have his favorite snacks ready for that game. Not hard, yet impressive.
- Let his standard be your standard. Not gonna lie, this is not an easy one for me. Because my husband is, in a word, particular. And don’t get me wrong: I love his attention to detail. But I love it more when he’s the one taking the time for details. But from experience I’ve learned that our relationship is so much better, he feels much more respected (which to him is better than feeling loved) when I just adapt.
If nothing else, this gives you a starting point to ask your husband if these work for him or if he would have something to change or add to it. (I would love to know if he adds “write me notes” or “have the house clean when I come home” :).